bleach and heat

My hands smell like bleach and pine-sol. I have finished folding my boy's clothes and am sneaking into his room, late at night, after he has fallen asleep. My mother did this too, I remember the inconvenience of having my sleep interrupted, the harsh smell of the chemicals and the warm comfort in knowing that her care for me was tireless. Did she talk to herself like I do? Constant, an engine asking the same mundane questions "does this shirt still fit my child? what will I do after daycare tomorrow? Does he get enough vegetables?". I violently mop the floors, I see the stains and scrub with a determined anger, I don't know why I am upset, I am probably not; just unused energy.

Mucus

I'm sure that in every person's life there comes a time that they have to decide whether or not if they are going to snort up their snot or blow their nose.

How far are those boogers?

High? Low?

Who will hear? Then what? Swallow? Spit?

I know this is all gross.

I'll tell you one fu*king thing, I am not going to tag this post #firstworldproblems - that is so annoying.

Not as annoying as snorting snot though, though I will if need be.

Here

so I says to the doctor I says "I have never had seasonal allergies" and the doc says "where did you grow up?" and I tell him, "Arizona" ... "well, there is your answer, there aren't any seasons there". Well hell. I miss the desert, I miss having a tan, a glow. I miss family. But spring is here, and I swear to god my son asked me to stop and smell the flowers today, no, not roses, this is Brooklyn, there are flowers here. I stopped.

Fungus

Say what you will about stress or dry air or the slow but quick process of learning from mistakes but I don't get sinus pressure too much these days. These days. What is that old song? Anyways.

I know better and I have been feeling better, but when the sinus pressure strikes I run for the bath and the strong family.

I used to hate mushrooms and clams. As I age I can appreciate those that do too; it is good. The things that grow in the dark, dank and rotten areas of the world can be good.

drum brush sound

it can get nasal sounding. but when the brushes are wire like, it's good.

So, listening to the drum brushes beat along with the Christmas sounds; no immediate pressure.

Take something!

Blinding pressure, well not blind but I can't focus on anything.
-I can't mention the rye-
don't want readers to think I drink too much.
"get some goddamn aspirin
NOW"

Friends, it doesn't help when you yell.

epsom salt

Have I mentioned my obsession? I bathe in salt baths only on the weekends but I am going to try to work it up to three times a week.

This IS my exercise.

Now if you'll excuse me.

No pressure.